Today is going to be a challege – we have a departmental lunch where everyone is expecting to bring something. Liz made some muffins and we’re about to head out to Costco. There’s going to be some tasty things there and pressure from others to eat. It’s going to be hard to resist, so I may need to develop a mental plan to approach the situation with. I could, for instance, set some reasonable boundaries and committ to some exercise later. I had already planned to go for a run as the weather is nice.

I am approaching today with a renewed committment. I’ve had only 1 LighterLife foodpack – a porridge one – and I am consciously trying to consume more water. I also got my Withings scales out of mothballs and am going to weigh myself every morning and evening. This will help me psychologically for the short-term, but is not something I should do over the long-term. Imagine that, a lifetime of weight checks every morning and evening. Then again, if it keeps me in control of my eating.

It really does get me down sometimes. Today is a “down” day, especially as I failed to keep to the plan on Sunday and yesterday. The guilt plays on my mind and if I’m not careful it can make me want to eat again to try and cheer myself up. I am trying to battle this by going to the gym tonight and doing some personal training. I always feel good after those sessions, so hopefully they can begin cheering me up instead of food.

Onwards and downwards.

As a result, I’ve been barely able to move owing to muscle fatigue. It’s been agony. I am told it will get better, hurt less and I’ll recover quicker each time. I hope so.

At Saturday’s session I nearly blacked-out though because I had just come from my LighterLife weigh-in, had breakfast and went straight to my PT session. I didn’t have enough energy and come the round of burpees I was seeing stars.

This presents serious challenges. I can’t reconcile a low calorie diet (900-1000 cals) with exercise at this level, especially muscle work.  I need to consider my plans carefully.

Eating has been off-track again this week, though not as bad as last week. I try not to find excuses, but it has been a very stressful time at work and I know I’ve been eating at times to deal with this. Today is a good example. Went to the pub with a couple of the lads and I had a Chicken BLT sandwich with wedges. Before that would have been a big fat burger, so an improvement that I picked from the ‘light bites’ menu this time, but the point is I should have had a foodpack instead. That’s the plan and I should stick to it.

I am not going to give up. I will get back on track with LighterLife Lite.

Drove to Leicester today with TG. It was the first time I had driven there and the first time I had him as a passenger. We survived – just. I then rushed back this evening to be on-time for the lady from the life insurance company who came to carry out a medical check on me given the numerous declarations I made as part of my application.

A father who died of lung cancer (8 years ago next month), two uncles who died of lung disorders, a mother who has suffered about 15 strokes, epilepsy, partial paralysis, systemic lupus, liver disease, partially sighted and schizophrenic … and then add my own history of obesity-related high blood pressure. I’d be amazed if alarm bells didn’t ring.

Still, it was quite emotionally difficult to list it all off and explain it all. Kind of made it all feel very real, personal and close.

More cheerfully, I watched the marathon yesterday and it really inspired me to get on with training for the Coventry Half Marathon later this year. Tonight’s session also helped with motivations for a healthier lifestyle.

We didn’t go out either. Weather was mixed, but I wish we had still gone out. Instead I sat and played games most of the day, which was relaxing but not good exercise.

I went straight from a good group psych session to the gym where I pre-booked a load of PT sessions. We begin work on Tuesday evening.

We then went to Birmingham for a walk around the Bullring. Bought some Timberland boots from the shop there, which I’m delighted with. Having just lived out of running shoes and one pair of formal shoes it was long overdue.

• 1 x Porridge Food Pack for breakfast with coffee and water
• 1 x Pasta Carbonara Food Pack for lunch with coffee throughout the day
• 1 x small quorn stir fry with cabbage
• 1 x small (20g) home made shortcrust pastry tart with cherry jam
• Sugar free jelly
• Some sneaky prunes

I was supposed to have a food pack when I got home from work, but Liz was going to be sad if I didn’t try one of her tarts, especially as she had made them so small. So I had one instead of my foodpack after agonising.

I had some jelly later on. It really helps as it’s only about 8-12 cals per sitting, so if I get the urge to raid the fridge I go for the jelly, which I now call “the emergency jelly”.  While I was getting it out though I did grab a few prunes from the bag that Liz opened earlier, which was both unessential and a reinforcement of the behaviour that is causing me problems.

Still. Good progress compared to two days ago.